When people ask how long I was in labor I debate between saying "a month" and "3 hours", and I guess in a way it is both...
About a month ago I started having contractions nightly, lasting between 30-60 seconds every 5-7 minutes apart. They weren't unbearable but they kept me awake or woke me up. Begin the sleepless nights and super hard days. I had the cough from Satan himself so I wasn't ready to go into labor, but at the same time I wanted that baby out so I could sleep!!!
From 39 to 41 weeks contractions built and I'd get my hopes up only to have them dashed when contractions would suddenly just stop. The emotionality of it all was the worst, and my hormones could hardly take it.
On my 41 week appt, my midwife Susan offered to break my water the next day. I was tempted to have her break my water, but ultimately we knew it would be better to go into labor on our own, so I turned her down. Luckily, my contractions were every 3-4 minutes apart and more intense after the membrane sweep, so Seth and I started walking around the hospital hoping this was "it".
Hours of walking later, we were walking toward labor and delivery, and I came to the hard honest truth with myself that I wasn't in active labor. I had a good cry and then we hopped in the car to get acupuncture. Susan was sympathetic, and ultimately told me that she thought I still had some fear and needed to open my spirit to let go and let this baby out! Suzanne, my hypnobirthing guru had said the same thing several times, so I did my best, prayed really hard, and went home with Seth to have dinner, feed the babies, and get everyone to bed.
My mom was incredibly patient through all of this, I am so grateful for everything she did. The kids love her and handled everything so well because she was there. She dealt with me for a week pregnant, and then handled the kids pretty much on her own for another week. Bless her heart, I think she's exhausted, but she hasn't complained yet!
--------------------------------
Well, I started writing that on November 9, and then wrote my birth story in a different forum later, but figured that was a good enough intro for the blog. (I have the full birth story written elsewhere, email me if you really want to read it and I'll send the rest of the story!) Just came across it again as I opened my new blogger app. I'm pretty sure with the demise of google reader my blog got cleaned out of plenty of newsfeeds, which is just the way I'd have it, really. I've wanted to blog several times in the past several months, but how do you start again, especially when the content isn't catching up or starting new as much as having a desire to write and share thoughts, however random and sporadic.
There are a few topics I've become passionate about and will hopefully share in more depth later, but in brief:
There is so much power in positive thought. I went on my first Bennett postpartum run a few weeks back. Set the timer just to see my pace, and as I approached a mile I thought "oh let me check, wouldn't it be nice if I were close to a ten minute mile and could hit that mark?". I checked my timer and was shocked to see 7:09 a block from my mile mark. Immediately, I started dry heaving and suddenly my body felt like a pile of bricks. Surely I couldn't have just ran a mile in 7:30 less than 5 weeks after birthing a baby--and my mind, believing that was certainly crazy, shut down my body in seconds. I stopped myself, realizing I could have ran that pace the whole way there, the whole way home, with barely a second thought, but once I knew that pace?
Well, let's just say that moment was profound--life-changing, really. How many times have I let my mind dictate my goals and limit my potential? Who am I to limit my abilities by simply not believing its possible? I am determined to change that, this year. I am setting my goals without limits, I'm going to shatter some ceilings, and I'm going to be really, really, happy doing it.
In a somewhat related thought, I posted a status update on Facebook last night that proved to be quite the lame controversy. "Well, I birthed a 10 lb 3 oz baby in three hours, naturally, without screaming this year, what did you do? ;)".
In truth, I shouldn't have written the tag on the end, because it made it appear like a competition, which it assure you was not my intent.
But it made me think...why, in the age of digital and social media, is there such a pressure of comparison? Do we have to qualify or self-depreciate our accomplishments in order to share the things we have worked hard to accomplish? I agree that we all need to be humble, and certainly don't need to brag about the things we do, but can't we also be proud of ourselves for working hard toward our goals, and share those things without judgement? Can we cheer each other on, even if our goals, and (gasp) skills and talents, are different? Can we be grateful for the hard work others put in to accomplish the things they set out to do?
I really am looking for a good answer to that one, and hopefully will have something to share about it soon. Perhaps we all need to let go of "stars and dots", so to speak, and let our true light shine. Perhaps we need to let go of the concern of looking perfect, or looking good, or LOOKING anything, for that matter, and just BE.
Anyway, just a couple things I wanted to throw out there. Maybe the two thoughts need to be connected more, and possibly that is the solution. I'm sorting it out, I guess :)
