Ironically all the kids slept through the first part of the night, the part where we organized toys, did dishes, grocery shopped, and did laundry (lots of laundry, lots and lots of laundry).
But then bedtime hit, and the cycle. Amelia seriously spent 6 hours crying, regardless of what we did. Benny was either up, so Seth would take Amelia while I got him back down, or he would sleep while I took Amelia, and wake up as soon as I came in the room. The pinnacle of the night was when Ryan needed to be wiped, Amelia was screaming, and I was nursing Benny. We were outnumbered.
I wasn't mad. It was the first sleepless night with three. We have been blessed/lucky. Benny sleeps fairly well and Seth has been able to keep the other two manageable. And I am thinking of the moms who will read this with far worse scenarios (everyone up barfing all night, etc). I know it wasn't that bad. But there's a point to all this and I had to share the sleep-deprived sick-enduced backdrop.
I was standing by Amelia's crib singing "I love to see the temple" while tickling her face like dad used to do when we couldn't settle down to sleep. It was finally working and she was finally...finally! drifting. And then I heard Ryan with a little whisper "mama. Mama. MAMA. Amelia has been crying all night." Ya think? "Mama. Mama. Will you rub my arm?"
For a split second I wanted to turn around with a big SHUSH, because so help me if he woke sister up again...but luckily I stopped.
"This is motherhood" I thought. "This is my job, and I want to be good at it. I might be taking the night shift tonight, but that's not a reason to be bad at my job. If this is something I've looked forward to my whole life, I can decide to be really good at it."
I smiled, not because I suddenly became good at my job, but because I realized I could. I have the chance to decide what kind of mom I want to be, the kind of mom I want my kids to remember. I certainly had a good example to follow in my own mom, and examples of super moms all around I can aspire to. But more than anything, I have these sweet (and crazy) kids to love that I've been given the responsibility to raise, and I love them enough to be that kind of mom for them.
And with that thought, I patiently got Amelia to sleep, went and tickled Ryan's arm until he fell asleep, and went back in the bedroom just as Bennett woke again.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
